The Ability to Forgive
Adapted from Rabbi Braun’s sermon in 5766
Why is forgiveness so difficult for us to offer and receive?
It goes against every natural instinct in our lives. When we have been hurt, our natural reaction is to fight back – retaliate – hold a grudge – gain revenge. To let that go requires true bravery.
“Forgiveness is divine” because in God there is no ego, no desire of vengeance to quench, no hurt to alleviate.
For human beings to forgive they must overcome their ego and their desire for vengeance.
That ability is one of the signs of greatness that we see in Joseph, one of the reasons that he is labeled by our sages as Yosef Hatzadik, Joseph the righteous.
I think that it emerges from the Torah’s description of Yosef’s conduct towards his brother during the last section of text.
At first glance it appears that Yosef’s conduct is not necessarily becoming of yosef hatzadik. First the accusation that the brothers are spies, imprisoning Shimon and demanding that they bring Binyamin back, then putting the money back in their sack, and later placing the cup in Binyamin’s sack.
Even the moment when he reveals himself to his brothers appears to be calculated and purposeful.
(ג) ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו אני יוסף העוד אבי חי ולא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו כי נבהלו מפניו:
Joseph says to his brothers, I am Yosef, is my father still alive? And the brothers could not answer him because they were frightened. One could read this as a purely emotional statement made by Yosef, first the admission and then the concern for his father.
The Netziv argues that this would be a simplistic and careless reading. He asks three questions on this one verse:
- When addressing his brothers he should not have asked, “is my father still alive?”, rather “is OUR father still alive?”
- He already knows the answer to the question, he knows that Yaakov is alive; his brothers had previously told him that Yaakov is alive.
- In a similar vein, what should the brothers have answered him; yes your father is alive? He already knows that to be true.
The Netziv explains that there is an implicit rebuke accompanying the revelation that he is indeed Yosef. The question “is my father still alive” is a rhetorical one- could it be that MY father, the one with whom I had a special bond, the father who loved me the most survived all these years of agony believing that I was dead?!? Even if you thought that you were right in being angry with me and selling me like a slave, look at what you did to my poor father! That is the rebuke.
The answer from the brothers should have been “He has eleven other sons, and one of them Binyamin, is from your mother Rachel, and he loved each and every one of us and yes he lived without you,” but they could not say that because they were so afraid.
Bbefore telling them not to worry for this was all part of a divine plan, we read one more verse:
(ד) ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו גשו נא אלי ויגשו ויאמר אני יוסף אחיכם אשר מכרתם אתי מצרימה:
Yosef says to his brothers- come forward and they came forward and he said to them – I am Joseph who you sold to Egypt.
To fully appreciate this verse let us take a step back and look at the larger picture: The brothers are already nervous that their travails in Egypt are some sort of divine punishment for the sale of Yosef. They stand accused of being spies and Judah is attempting to get them out of this seemingly impossible situation. And then like a sledgehammer whacking them over the head comes the totally unexpected revelation- their brother who they left to die and then sold as a method of disposal is alive and standing before them as the viceroy of Egypt. Their fate is in his hands! Chazal in the Midrash tell us that at that moment there souls left their bodies and God had to miraculously revive them and return their souls to their bodies. That is the Midrash’s way of saying that they were really scared!
And now return to our verse: they are told to come forward. What is going to happen to them? They have no idea. The sages of the Midrash are not sure in what manner the words were spoken. One says that vayigash has as conciliatory connotation while another sage believed that Vayigash connotes confrontation and battle. Probably the brothers were not sure either.
They come forward and Yosef repeats the revelation with one addition. I am Yosef he tells them, אשר מכרתם אתי מצרימה that you sold to Egypt. As if they were not aware of whom he was and what they had done to him.
Imagine the suspense and fear, it must have been palpable.
Why does Yosef do this? Why the rebuke? Is this merely some cruel game, revenge, or is it constructive and positive, possibly meant to bring about remorse and repentance?
Nearly all of the commentators assume that Yosef’s actions and words were not vengeful but purposeful. I can think of 3 reasons why we would work with that assumption:
After all this is Yosef Hatzadik and we would like to believe that he is not a ruthless and merciless person who toyed with his brothers for his own amusement.
A careful analysis and reading of Yosef’s actions probably lead one to that conclusion as well.
Most importantly, we are impressed with Yosef’s ability to forgive.
Make no mistake about it. The fact that this is part of a divine plan in no way excuses the behavior of the brothers. They hated Yosef, they wanted to kill him and they most definitely did not sell him with the intention of his becoming a prince in Egypt. Yosef was thrown into a pit and left to die. He spent 22 years alone away from his family. He spent the majority of those years as a slave and in prison. It was God who rescued him from that situation but it was the brothers who put him there.
Yosef could easily have branded his brothers as spies and had them locked up or even killed and no one would have said boo.
Would we have blamed Yosef had he done so? Hard to say.
But he doesn’t. Yosef Hatzadik finds it within himself to forgive his brothers. He is overcome with emotion, those tears are real, and he manages to forgive the evil done to him.
It is then within this framework that we judge his other actions.
YOSEF HATZADIK is willing to forgive them.
He realizes that meting out punishment is not his responsibility, that there is no use in holding a grudge, no use in remaining angry and spiteful and is willing to let it go and forgive, to move on because that is what the nation of Israel needs in order to survive.
That is the greatness of Yosef, that is his legacy and that is the lesson for us to learn.
